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"Mm."
A pause.
"I was more asking - what did you say it for?"
"Oh. Well - no need for concern there, darling." He laughs lightly. "Whatever history I have with my so-called family, I shan't be likely to see them again. So."
"Better worlds and better company," Astarion agrees, and sighs deeply, looking up into the sky.
"...It's rather beautiful here. Good choice, darling."
"Are you letting me win?" she asks, tossing her next stone in her hand.
Astarion gasps and looks back at her, a hand on his chest.
"Darling, I swear on all that I hold dear that that was a completely authentic moment of ineptitude."
"And I'm sure you were barely trying."
"I'm a little more practiced with a bow and a static target than I am with...all this," he points out. "I promise I'm not doing anything so untoward."
She's still skeptical, but she doesn't think he's lying to her. It lets her smirk and add, "I'd hate to have to toss you in the water, so that's good."
She's off her rhythm, though, so her next rock sinks, too, and she mutters a casual swear under her breath.
Astarion chuckles under his.
"I'd hate to be tossed," he agrees. "I can...only sort of swim. I'd say Johann taught me, but it was more the case that he watched and laughed while I worked it out for myself."
Only first of all so she can get it out of the way, because: "Second of all, that's bullshit. Is this the Johann that's here?"
"That was here," Astarion corrects gently. He left with surprisingly little fanfare, really. "But yes, it was he."
"I could actually teach you sometime," she says instead. "I'm decent."
"I'd like that. And it's rather easy to teach someone who can't drown, I imagine."
He picks up a stone near his foot and offers it to her.
"Look, I know - it's been rough for you. Lately." And she's well aware he won't want to talk to her about it. "You're not doing anything ill advised to try to work it out, are you?"
Astarion tucks his hands in his pockets and looks out across the water.
"'Ill-advised' like what, darling?"
"Anything you wouldn't want to try to explain to Jacob."
"Then no. I'm not doing anything Ill-advised."
He is, in fact, not doing....anything, really. Not unless he's invited to. All his ideas are pretty terrible!
Then tries, "Or to me?"
Astarion sighs and looks away.
"...I don't think there's anything I can 'work out'," he says. "I thought I knew what I wanted. I thought I knew what would keep me safe. I was wrong, and I have some grotesque memories to show for it. Can that be worked out?"
She doesn't know yet herself, not for the things she struggles under the weight of, not whatever Astarion hasn't told her.
But: "Sometimes people do things that won't work it out, though, because they're angry or guilty or tired and it feels good. Or they hope it will."
"I know. I've explored my fair share of...what do you call them? 'Coping mechanisms'."
He's not using finger quotes, but it's very clear this is a term he's learned on the Barge.
"Just...not this time."
"Why not?"
"Partly because I wouldn't want to explain them to you or Jacob," he admits, dryly.
"But mostly because it feels...I...
"He forced himself on someone he told himself he loved." His voice is quiet and distant. "He did that because I'm capable of it. That's not something I should work out, or - cope with."
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