John can feel the answer, and Astarion will feel something rising in unison, entwined with it: anger on his behalf. He doesn't say the words, wouldn't claim that title these days, but it's still on the edge of his words: he was/is a god, or something like it, and Astarion is one of a very small number that he cares about.

Their fucking loss.

[It doesn't matter to anyone or anything else, no, because 'fairness' is just a feeling.]

The universe is random and chaotic and it doesn't care about you. He's very very aware of that.

[But that also means that making peace with it is the only thing that matters. ...not that that's easy when it sucks.

I think Yellow hates me a little. And I think I hate him a little, even if I feel other things too. I just have to get used to that.

Do you think yours is something like that?]