And the darker thoughts are still bubbling under. There's the voice that says: Why shouldn't he have done it? Why would he have to suffer and bleed and cry and beg for years, then finally seize all the power he could ever want and show his inferiors - what? Restraint? Kindness? Fucking why? He's a rotten sickness of a person whether he's having fun or not, so why not indulge?
He wants to imagine he'd feel less sick and hollow now if he'd controlled himself then. But he doesn't know. He can't know.
"...I'm trying. To think about other things. I've just volunteered to learn how to cook, haven't I?"
She'd call volunteering a bit of a misnomer, but she lets it go. The point is he's trying.
She drifts a bit closer, within range of being touched but not close enough to threaten it.
"That's an important point, you know. You didn't do anything. There's so much potential in everyone for such shitty things - you and I both know that - but you haven't."
"Anyway." He laughs, putting a hand lightly on her shoulder. Taking her
hand was fine, earlier. "That's quite enough of that, don't you think?
We're not here to listen to me whining about things I didn't even do."
"Absolutely not," he says immediately, and then gives her a sidelong
glance. "Though you do it much less than me, and 'whining' is a matter of
duration as much as it is content."
"My criteria is a matter of timing," she answers, matter of fact.
"If a herd of walkers rose up out of this water and you were too distracted or upset to do anything to save yourself, that would be whining. But that's not the case." She shrugs with her free shoulder.
"We can still be done if you want, but I need you to know it's not because I don't want to hear what's going on in your head."
"...I'd like to keep walking for a while," he says quietly. "I - don't have anything more to say about...that. Though I know you'd be open to hearing it."
"Okay," she agrees after a moment of searching his face. She throws her last rock into the ocean, dusts a few clinging pieces of sand off on her hip, and then reaches up for his hand.
She turns it, kissing the back of it in lieu of something more intimate, and then lets go.
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Re: Spam
But then she busies herself looking for another stone, but she looks across at him once she has another.
"I thought you didn't put much stock in the breaches."
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"As did I," Astarion says. "But it seems I'm not so dead that I can't change my thinking."
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She presses her lips together, thinking.
"That's a shitty thing to have in your head, Astarion. Especially since it wasn't even you, or something you did."
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"Yes. It is."
And the darker thoughts are still bubbling under. There's the voice that says: Why shouldn't he have done it? Why would he have to suffer and bleed and cry and beg for years, then finally seize all the power he could ever want and show his inferiors - what? Restraint? Kindness? Fucking why? He's a rotten sickness of a person whether he's having fun or not, so why not indulge?
He wants to imagine he'd feel less sick and hollow now if he'd controlled himself then. But he doesn't know. He can't know.
"...I'm trying. To think about other things. I've just volunteered to learn how to cook, haven't I?"
Re: Spam
She drifts a bit closer, within range of being touched but not close enough to threaten it.
"That's an important point, you know. You didn't do anything. There's so much potential in everyone for such shitty things - you and I both know that - but you haven't."
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"I know. I know."
It's not easy to internalise. But he's...aware.
"Anyway." He laughs, putting a hand lightly on her shoulder. Taking her hand was fine, earlier. "That's quite enough of that, don't you think? We're not here to listen to me whining about things I didn't even do."
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"Do you think I'm whining when I talk about things that are hard for me? Or Jacob?"
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"Absolutely not," he says immediately, and then gives her a sidelong glance. "Though you do it much less than me, and 'whining' is a matter of duration as much as it is content."
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"If a herd of walkers rose up out of this water and you were too distracted or upset to do anything to save yourself, that would be whining. But that's not the case." She shrugs with her free shoulder.
"We can still be done if you want, but I need you to know it's not because I don't want to hear what's going on in your head."
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"...I'd like to keep walking for a while," he says quietly. "I - don't have anything more to say about...that. Though I know you'd be open to hearing it."
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She turns it, kissing the back of it in lieu of something more intimate, and then lets go.
"And just to be clear, I won at stone skipping."
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Astarion laughs and leans in to kiss her cheek.
"Cheerfully conceded, darling, if only because there are no prizes."
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"I'm glad you're here, Astarion. Let's see what's down the beach."
Fade here?
"I'm glad you're here with me, Rosita," he says solemnly, and takes her hand to continue walking through the shallows.