TLV: IC Contact

[sixfeetofdirt]

Careful; I bite.

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[sixfeetofdirt]

"Aylin. She was a - Christmas?" He's still never entirely sure of that word. "A Christmas gift from my warden."

She's also climbing over Astarion's chest to come and sniff the newcomer.

[helluvamess]

Blitzø flicks his tail at her to bat at, flicking it away and back again to keep her focus.

"He got you a present?" He lets the kitten catch his tail, but tugs it away if she gets a little too rough.

"What's he like anyway? John?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

New favourite game? New favourite game. Astarion is also assiduous about keeping her claws trimmed.

"He's...gods, I don't know. He's frustrating. He won't accept how much power this place gives him. Not that I want to be ruled with an iron fist, obviously, but we can't be allies or friends in the way he seems to want."

[helluvamess]

"Why not?"

He feels like he's missing something and not just because his attention is split between keeping a kitten entertained and the conversation.

"All cause the Admiral made him your warden, does that mean he's gotta be a dick to you?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

"He absolutely doesn't."

He seems unable to help himself, sometimes, but that's neither here nor there!

"But there's a gap between 'not being a dick' and being friends. You know what he's told me? 'I'm yours'. Not in any romantic sense, that was made quite clear, but - I don't even know what I'm supposed to do with that."

[helluvamess]

"'I'm yours'? Christ on a stick, who even says that kind of sappy shit? You really sure he wasn't just trying to fuck you?"

Because honestly, that sounds exactly like some stupid attempt to get into someone's pants by someone who didn't know better.

"Weird fucking way to say it even if it wasn't that. Like, what if the Admiral decides to play musical wardens or something? It's not like being paired is really forever."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Precisely. If tomorrow the Admiral chose to make me someone else's problem, I doubt he'd ever speak to me again."

He laughs, humourlessly.

"No, he'd have one conversation with me to tell me that he still cares deeply about my welfare, and then he'd never speak to me again."

[helluvamess]

"You really think he'd never talk to you again?" Blitzø doesn't quite buy that; sure he'd only met John once, but the guy hadn't seemed the type to ignore anyone at the time, and there's plenty of wardens who seem to make friends with inmates regardless.

"What about other wardens you're friends with?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion shrugs. He's not thought about it that deeply, honestly, but - they weren't close before being assigned. Why would John bother? It's not as if Astarion is making their relationship a rewarding experience.

"I've bedded a couple of them and I know a couple from home. I wouldn't call any of them friends."

[helluvamess]

"What about inmates?" Because he's starting to see a pattern here and its both familiar and uncomfortable.

"Or do you not do friends?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion pulls a face. Aylin decides she's bored with the tail and goes to investigate the horns instead.

"No? I haven't, previously. I wouldn't know how to define the word."

[helluvamess]

"I guess it's--" Blitzø is cut off as the kitten climbs his chest and face, uncaring where she puts her paws as she sniffs at and starts rubbing against his horns.

He grumbles a bit but just picks her up to put her on the pillow behind him where she can keep investigating without putting a paw in his eye.

"Fuck, I guess it's if you give a shit about what could happen to someone? Like that demon chick from your world, seems like you don't want her to die. Why care if you're not friends?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Not a demon, but - if that makes her my friend, then...fine. I don't really see what it matters."

It's just a word, isn't it?

[helluvamess]

"Then why's it matter if you call them that or not?"

Yeah, he has a fair idea what the answer might be, and he can't even pin the blame on the Admiral or a warden for this because he started fucking Astarion on his own. If fate were real it was laughing at him.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"It doesn't, I suppose. The choice I'm making is 'or not', that's all. Call it a matter of habit."

Astarion glances across at him, fixing his gaze.

"Why the curiosity?"

[helluvamess]

"No reason," he says quickly, defensively. "Who's curious? I'm just asking to fucking... ask." Shit, that definitely sounds suspicious as fuck.

"Just wondering if they're not friends why you care if she lives or not."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Well. For one thing, if I ever get sent home home, it'll be easier to stay alive if I have a seven-foot barbarian to hide behind," Astarion says.

"...I'm assuming you don't love that word either."

[helluvamess]

"Barbarian? I mean it's not like I care either way about it--"

Sorry, Astarion, Blitzø isn't stupid (depending who you ask), but he does get confused sometimes.

"--I mean fuck I guess it does the job and as long as she doesn't care about it..."

geh sorry I completely misread this tag, lemme get a do over

[sixfeetofdirt]

"No, darling." There's amusement in his tone. "The word 'friend'."

all good!

[helluvamess]

"Oh yeah that makes more sense." And also he immediately looks slightly uncomfortable. Stupid vampires with their stupid vampire smarts.

"I don't care about the word," Blitzø says, not quite making eye contact and choosing his words carefully. "But I don't have any so who gives a fuck?"

The hypocrisy is... probably lost completely on him.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"It's easier that way, don't you find?" Astarion says, reaching to carefully disentangle Aylin before she puts a foot directly on Blitzø's face.

The hypocrisy is noted and disregarded.

"It's...cleaner. And giving half a damn about whether someone has the sense to save their own life isn't the same as friendship."

[helluvamess]

"It's not the same as not caring either."

He's not sure about 'cleaner', really. There's still a lurch in his chest at the idea of being left all alone, that it'll be his own fault when it happens. But he has no idea what to do about that or even if he can do anything.

"Maybe safer," he eventually mutters, reaching over to pet the kitten. "For them."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I couldn't agree more."

Safer for them. Safer for him. He doesn't need friends, he needs safety, and what are friendships if not vulnerabilities?

[helluvamess]

"...yeah, I guess."

Blitzø drags a hand down his face and, after giving Aylin another pet, slides off the bed to start gathering his clothes.

"I need a smoke and I'm not filling up this place with it. Lemme know next time you need to work out some tension."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Likewise, darling. I do enjoy our time together."

He's just...going to continue lying here naked for a while.