"This isn't about killing him. We've already talked about killing him. This is about you... falling into a trap... made for him, a devil's bargain that you haven't even read the fine print on. And there is always fine print. Because you're both making exactly the same mistake."
And he can't help but shake his head.
"There is always bigger fish, Astarion. And the bigger you get, the bigger the fish who notice you. And then you're in the same fucking position as before, only this time you literally agreed to put the chains on yourself because the allure of a perfect, easy solution made you blind to the danger."
"It's not a risk, Astarion: it's a certainty." A snort. "And you'd realize that if you were thinking with anything other than your fear and your anger."
"Which is why you're not going anywhere," he says with a shake of his head. "Like I said: getting you out of here is getting you on the path to a new life, not the old one with a new fiery aesthetic."
"We did start this conversation with me pointing out that the Admiral
wouldn't let me go," Astarion says. He settles back down, one hand tucked
behind his head, the other reaching to stroke Aylin as she comes to sprawl
across his stomach. "So this has all been a waste of our time, hasn't it?"
"Because now I know where to actually start," he says, just south of 'cheerful'. Cheerful would be cruel right now. Astarion just lost someone. But he's positive. "And why we were paired."
"If it's anything, I got you because he knows I'm not in a hurry. And this will go at it's own pace."
He looks to Astarion.
"Do you want to be free?" He holds up a finger. "Don't joke. Don't avoid it. Don't tell me 'Of course, darling, haven't I been saying that?'" and it's actually a pretty good impression other than obviously being John's voice. The cadence and the tone are right. "No bullshit: do you actually want to be free? Genuinely free?"
"And are you willing to work with me, trust that I want to get you the fuck out of here even if you might not understand why I'm insisting on something?"
"I will permit that you're slightly closer now than you were six months
ago," Astarion says. "If you ever show another person our private
correspondence, ever again, you can get another inmate."
"I would actually prefer that you not discuss me with anyone at all," he
says crisply, then waves a hand: "Unless you're just calling me an
irritating bastard in the abstract; that's fine."
"Mm. No. Though if you find new and thrilling ways to aggravate me that I didn't anticipate, I reserve the right to get annoyed about them as they arise."
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"Killing Cazador will free me of him," Astarion says, smile vanishing. "Hanging him from the noose he made for me will not make me become him."
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"This isn't about killing him. We've already talked about killing him. This is about you... falling into a trap... made for him, a devil's bargain that you haven't even read the fine print on. And there is always fine print. Because you're both making exactly the same mistake."
And he can't help but shake his head.
"There is always bigger fish, Astarion. And the bigger you get, the bigger the fish who notice you. And then you're in the same fucking position as before, only this time you literally agreed to put the chains on yourself because the allure of a perfect, easy solution made you blind to the danger."
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Astarion scoffs.
"That's a risk I'm willing to take, warden."
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"Fine! Fine. It is a certainty that I am willing to accept.
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"We did start this conversation with me pointing out that the Admiral wouldn't let me go," Astarion says. He settles back down, one hand tucked behind his head, the other reaching to stroke Aylin as she comes to sprawl across his stomach. "So this has all been a waste of our time, hasn't it?"
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"Ugh. Why exactly would you categorise this as 'progress'?"
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"Oh? I assume we were paired because the Admiral doesn't like you." A pause. "Or me."
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He looks to Astarion.
"Do you want to be free?" He holds up a finger. "Don't joke. Don't avoid it. Don't tell me 'Of course, darling, haven't I been saying that?'" and it's actually a pretty good impression other than obviously being John's voice. The cadence and the tone are right. "No bullshit: do you actually want to be free? Genuinely free?"
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Astarion's mouth pinches in irritation.
"I have been saying that," he says. "It's not my fault that your definition of 'freedom' is nothing like mine."
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Also, still... losing people sucks.
"I'm waiting for your answer, Astarion. Yes or no."
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"Nine Hells, you have my answer," he snaps. "Yes."
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"And are you willing to work with me, trust that I want to get you the fuck out of here even if you might not understand why I'm insisting on something?"
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There's a long silence as he lies there and strokes Aylin contemplatively.
"I can work with you. I can accept that you believe your motives are...benign. But trust you? Mm. No. Not right now."
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"All right. Do you know how we can work towards that kind of trust?"
He turns a hand.
"'Proof of concept' is going to be difficult on this one."
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"I will permit that you're slightly closer now than you were six months ago," Astarion says. "If you ever show another person our private correspondence, ever again, you can get another inmate."
Yes, he's still peeved about that.
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"Done."
Then he lifts up a finger.
"Do you have any other privacy concerns so that we can avoid that before I make a mistake?"
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"I would actually prefer that you not discuss me with anyone at all," he says crisply, then waves a hand: "Unless you're just calling me an irritating bastard in the abstract; that's fine."
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"Mm. No. Though if you find new and thrilling ways to aggravate me that I didn't anticipate, I reserve the right to get annoyed about them as they arise."
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"....Fair."
He might still get annoyed! He'll just be aware that it's a dick move!
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