TLV: IC Contact

[sixfeetofdirt]

Careful; I bite.

Comments

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

She nods. Her, too.

"I have people that matter to me that I could lose, again. I have..." She glances down - at his idle tracing on her shoulder, yes, but also her own belly. "... hope, again. We got some wins under our belt, back home. I don't know how all that will make me act, now. And because you and Jacob didn't get to travel there with me like we did when I was here, I don't - I worry. That it'll be too much, now. Somehow."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

His brow furrows slightly.

"That what will be too much?"

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

He just praised her as having the right words to say. She wrangles this nameless, formless dread for several moments trying to find them now.

"Whatever difference there is," she settles on, lamely. "Me."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Ah. In that case: no."

It's as simple as that. He kisses her temple.

"I love you dearly, and you're wrong. You will not be too much."

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

She's steadier now, more whole now, but that doesn't mean she can't be hurt and it doesn't mean she can't be comforted. Her smile twists crooked, nose wrinkling with embarrassment at herself, but she leans into that contact too.

"I love you too, cariño," and leaves it at that for a few moments, letting herself be reassured.

Of that, anyway. "Which just leaves - that other thing."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"Ah, yes. That other thing."

He drums his fingertips on her shoulder.

"...I doubt you'll be shocked to learn that I never saw myself as a parent. Not that I can remember, at least. Vampires are fetishised for all sorts of things, but not our virility."

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

"I know."

She is actually, honestly, more concerned about Astarion than Jacob, who raised his younger brothers. More concerned that this will be the too much for him.

"That's why I needed to circle back and actually talk to you about it. Try and find out where your head is really at, now we're both back and safe."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion nods his understanding, then mentally girds himself and shoots for honesty.

"It does feel...strange. Taking responsibility for my own life is still quite alien. Having a hand in Gale's is taking some adjustment. The idea of having a defenceless little human to help care for is...difficult to imagine. I know I should be over the shock and thinking about things more seriously by now, but..."

He should be. Surely?

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

She gives him her full attention, doesn't prompt or try to nudge him in any direction. She didn't ask Jacob and Astarion about this. She just did it, and that wasn't... fair, in many ways. She knows that.

"There's no roadmap for what we're doing. No should. At least here we have time." More than the nine months they'd normally have, if that's what needs to happen. "You said it's difficult, but - you can tell me if it's more than that. If it's just not something you want. I'd get it."

It would hurt, but it's fair, and she'd understand.

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion shakes his head.

"I'm not saying that. I'm saying I - I'm growing accustomed to the idea. But I'm not considering whether I want a future with you and your child, or with neither."

This comes out of him with an unusual degree of certainty, and he's faintly surprised by it himself.

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

There it is, that thing she lost for a while and regained with the help, in part, of this man beside her: a faint spark of hope. She chews her lip, considering, but decides to hell with it. She wants him to know.

"I wanted kids for a long time, Astarion," she offers, quietly. "I knew I wanted a family when I was a kid myself. It just never happened for me, and then the world ended, and I -" She shrugs. "I gave it up. Never gonna happen."

She looks down again, one arm draped protectively across herself.

"I didn't plan this. We didn't. I want you to know - you're all three my family, and whatever combination that looks like, it's okay. I want you in it with me, I trust you, I care about you, I think you have more in you to offer than you know - but if it's not for you, that's okay. I'll raise her myself, and we'll figure it out. We'll keep figuring it out."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"We will."

He gently puts his fingertips to her chin, tilting her head up so he can kiss her, softly.

"Maybe by the time we're ready to take our leave, I'll have discovered some of that 'more'. And if not, well. How old does a human have to be before it can learn to pick locks?"

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

She takes her time in the kiss, soaking up the affection, savoring the reassurance.

She kisses him in turn before she answers, smiling.

"Significantly sooner than being strong enough to pull a bow. You just have to balance teaching us how to get out locked doors with our odds of surviving whatever is on the other side."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion smiles and tips his brow against hers.

"Jacob will be sure to help with that too, I'm sure. We can cast him as the looming threat beyond the threshold, if nothing else."

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

"She won't be afraid of him," she answers with certainty, chuckling, letting herself breathe.

"Everything else should be, though, if that's what you mean. If that's what he decides."

She has another of these conversations ahead of her, after all.

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I think he will," Astarion says. "I think...mm. Not to stack the entirety of our hopes for the future on the head of one unborn child, but having some drive to improve things for a next generation might be something we all need."

He'll still be there too, as likely as not, but he isn't thinking about that too hard.

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

"It's what kept me going when I didn't have anything else these last few years."

She's always been the most community minded of them. It has also occurred to her that having some continuity might do Astarion some good.

She sighs. "Just... don't let me push you away wanting something that you don't. Okay?"

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I won't," he says, solemnly. "And...as and when I work out what exactly I want, then the same will apply for you."

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

"I'll do my best, but we're in luck."

She smiles, pulling his hand over so she can kiss his wrist.

"My best is pretty damn good."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"It is."

He smiles, very aware of her warm skin against the cool absence of a pulse in his wrist.

"I - didn't thank you properly for letting me feed from you when I returned, by the way. That...must have taken a lot. Thank you. For trusting us."

Not just him, but Jacob too. She must have known that he would have taken action if Astarion got too greedy.

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

"I do trust you."

If any part of it was easy, it was that.

"If you need something and I can give it, I can do it, it's a done deal." Just to be clear about that.

"But I also... I'd thought for a while that I wanted to work on that. I don't want you thinking I'm afraid of you, or... anything else."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I think you have extremely reasonable concerns about being bitten," Astarion says, rather wryly, though he sobers.

"...I don't think you're afraid of me. But I also won't take offence if I stir up some old memories just by being what I am."

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

"I don't want that," she insists.

"I won't give that asshole even a shadow of a place in my relationship with you." As far as Cazador goes. "And the virus has taken enough from me. It can't have you."

Re: Spam

[sixfeetofdirt]

"And I don't want it to. I don't want any of that for you. It's more..."

He hesitates.

"I don't want my past sneaking into our lives together either. But if something should happen that makes me unexpectedly freeze up or...go somewhere else, I don't want to flagellate myself for it."

It doesn't matter whether or not he wants these things to happen. He still has to accept they will.

Re: Spam

[handleyourshit]

She'd already mentioned earlier how the two of them managed to talk about surprisingly little, perhaps, for how close they've become. Having different reasons for not wanting to talk much about themselves doesn't change the outcome, to be sure.

So he says that and she hesitates, distracted from her own point with a questioning look, inviting it now.