He's been much more effective at defending himself, more effective at saving people, better at making allies, gathering resources, and not dying than he was when he couldn't let his guard down or rest properly in a safe place.
That kind of constant vigilance wears you down, makes you reactive, loses you opportunities, and worst of all, it makes you predictable and easier to manipulate. Especially because you think it doesn't.
I survived for two hundred years, and when it was necessary I established alliances and gathered resources and all the rest of it, and at no point did I seek out feelings of safety.
[ He's going to bite back the much meaner version of what he's about to say (thank you, therapy) and goes with something a little more conducive to conversation. ]
You survived because you were being manipulated and used by something more powerful than you. Something that taught you to keep alliances at a distance and didn't let you gather resources he didn't approve of because those would actually give you a chance to free yourself or fight him. And the moment that you couldn't be manipulated and used, when Cazador no longer wanted you to survive... what happened?
[There's several minutes' pause before he responds.]
Thank you. I appreciate the reminder that I have not for centuries been anything more than the pawn of a more powerful being. The point you're actually making is that no amount of feeling safe would have ever made a difference.
No. It's a reminder that he made everything in your life work towards being able to keep you as a pawn and that the survival skills that you learned in that situation don't apply to everywhere.
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timeasmymeasure
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Date: 2023-10-25 03:56 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 04:17 pm (UTC)Oh, is that what you think would happen? I'm insulted.
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Date: 2023-10-25 04:22 pm (UTC)It isn't an insult to not want someone to hurt you!
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Date: 2023-10-25 04:24 pm (UTC)If someone set up a trap in my cabin and I didn't notice it, I'd deserve whatever came next, frankly. It'd serve me right for getting complacent.
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Date: 2023-10-25 04:50 pm (UTC)That's not something you should be punished for.
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Date: 2023-10-25 04:53 pm (UTC)For feeling safe anywhere, actually. I think we might have to agree to disagree on this one, darling.
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:00 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 05:03 pm (UTC)Why, what?
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:03 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 05:04 pm (UTC)It's not bad, necessarily.
Just naïve.
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 05:20 pm (UTC)If you realise that naivety is dangerous and indulge in it anyway? Yes.
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:21 pm (UTC)So why should you be punished for it?
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:30 pm (UTC)Because it isn't really a punishment. It's a consequence.
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:34 pm (UTC)You should be able to feel whatever the fuck you want to feel. And you should definitely be able to feel safe sometimes.
Being on guard all the time isn't good for you. It isn't even good for your safety.
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:39 pm (UTC)Do you have any evidence for that?
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:41 pm (UTC)I have answers for both, but I want to answer you properly.
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Date: 2023-10-25 05:41 pm (UTC)The last part. About safety.
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Date: 2023-10-25 06:18 pm (UTC)He's been much more effective at defending himself, more effective at saving people, better at making allies, gathering resources, and not dying than he was when he couldn't let his guard down or rest properly in a safe place.
That kind of constant vigilance wears you down, makes you reactive, loses you opportunities, and worst of all, it makes you predictable and easier to manipulate. Especially because you think it doesn't.
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Date: 2023-10-25 06:22 pm (UTC)If all you have are anecdotes, then I could just as easily offer myself as a counter-example.
This is why I suggested we agree to disagree.
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Date: 2023-10-25 06:23 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2023-10-25 06:27 pm (UTC)I survived for two hundred years, and when it was necessary I established alliances and gathered resources and all the rest of it, and at no point did I seek out feelings of safety.
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Date: 2023-10-25 06:39 pm (UTC)You survived because you were being manipulated and used by something more powerful than you. Something that taught you to keep alliances at a distance and didn't let you gather resources he didn't approve of because those would actually give you a chance to free yourself or fight him. And the moment that you couldn't be manipulated and used, when Cazador no longer wanted you to survive... what happened?
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Date: 2023-10-25 06:49 pm (UTC)[There's several minutes' pause before he responds.]
Thank you. I appreciate the reminder that I have not for centuries been anything more than the pawn of a more powerful being. The point you're actually making is that no amount of feeling safe would have ever made a difference.
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Date: 2023-10-25 06:53 pm (UTC)He never let you feel safe.
And he did that on purpose.
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