TLV: IC Contact

[sixfeetofdirt]

Careful; I bite.

Comments

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I don't see why it wouldn't. At the very least, I assume that eventually I'll get tired of lying here."

Probably!

"Particularly since the cause of my behaviour is no longer with us."

[greatoldjohn]

"Or you won't, just to spite me," he says with a wry kind of fondness. "Is the talking around it part of the 'pathetic' or do I get to ask who, or what, you're talking about?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion stares at the pillow in front of him for several seconds.

"John Gaius."

[greatoldjohn]

John nods, and then after a minute, he'll walk around until he can sit on the side of the bed without crowding him.

"And what did John Gaius do to you?" A pause. "Or what did you do to him?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

Another stretch of silence, then, dully:

"You really don't know when to stop fucking talking, do you."

[greatoldjohn]

He's just going to continue to look expectantly at Astarion. Fine. No talking. The requirements for getting anything done changed again. Sure. Cool. He's listening.

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion does not look back.

"Oh, and now you're pouting because I don't like being asked how I brought this on myself? Just get out."

[greatoldjohn]

"I'm not pouting. You said shut up. I shut up. I didn't say you 'brought this on yourself'. I asked specifically so you wouldn't just talk around me." He shakes his head. "I'm not leaving. That makes me an asshole. Fine. What happened?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

"You're claiming I told you to shut up, and now you're accusing me of putting words in your mouth? Gods, you're difficult to talk to," he mutters, then goes on without awaiting any response. "We had an arrangement, it ended, I am digesting that fact, give me some time."

[greatoldjohn]

"I'm not doing the semantics argument," because it seems like that's all they ever talk about and yes, he's picked up it's a bullshit stalling tactic. "And what does that mean without the euphemisms because if you mean 'some time to go right back to pretending like everything is fine and nothing happened instead of actually working through why you laid in bed for two days', we're not doing that."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I don't love being disposed of," Astarion says flatly. "Imagine that."

[greatoldjohn]

"'Disposed of'?" And John's expression turns hard. "What the fuck did he say?"

Do not make him go to other worlds to murder your ex, Astarion, he MIGHT.

[sixfeetofdirt]

"That it was enjoyable while it lasted, but the thing had run its course. Nothing more to be said or done. No reason for him to stay, no need to make arrangements to rendezvous after I'm done here. So."

[greatoldjohn]

John... does not have the best sense motive check when he's not plugged into someone. It's something to do with emotions being something he has less than two years experience with on a personal level and not a 'this lever does THIS thing that makes people make the funny noises'. But he has enough experience, and he spends enough time watching people, and by luck he happens to have recently seen some interactions with the now-departed John Gaius.

Departed, one would believe (as there was no announcement otherwise) due to a graduation.

Hm.

"So... how often do you lie to my face?"

[sixfeetofdirt]

He's not looking at your face. So there!!

"Nine Hells," Astarion mutters. "It's my understanding that people are allowed to end relationships - or would it have been better to be strung along from some vast distance? I'll admit I'm blunting some softer edges, but the conversation was what it was. It's not as if we were in love."

[greatoldjohn]

"So, judging from my previous experience with you," he says matter of factly, "and how you take in words: he wanted to continue the relationship, he asked if he should stay, he tried to figure out how to find you after you graduated, and he told you he loved you." He gestures to Astarion. "And you told him, like you told me, to get the hell out while he could."

He looks at Astarion.

"Because you cared about him. But you can't be nice about it."

Where's he dealt with that one before?

[sixfeetofdirt]

"I just told you what happened. Accept it or leave."

[greatoldjohn]

"I'm not leaving. And I'm not accepting it, not as you've presented it, especially when you admit that you 'blunted some softer edges'."

He gestures between them.

"What is the point, Astarion? Why do you put every single possible barrier in the way, use every word, every excuse to stop me from offering sympathy o-or even helping you. Because" grumble, "surprise, I don't care who's fucking fault it is that you're hurting. I just want to help you stop hurting."

Sigh.

"In a way that is not 'don't think about it, never think about it, jam it in a corner and never look at it again'."

[sixfeetofdirt]

Astarion laughs. It's a savage, horrible staccato.

"You came to my door, all but demanded entry, interrogated me about why I'm in a poor mood, and then accused me of lying to you. Exactly when were you planning on 'offering sympathy'?"

[greatoldjohn]

Nope, not playing the game again.

"I can't offer sympathy if I don't know what the hell happened. Then I'm just... waving a hand at you so I feel better about having done something and it means exactly jack and shit. So as soon as you tell me the truth, and I know what I'm sympathizing with, I'm there."

[sixfeetofdirt]

Fucking why.

Why does he have to explain himself, why does he have to earn the basic kindness he sees others handing out without a word when the people they care about aren't happy? Why can't John just see that he's miserable as sin and sympathise with that? Why does he have to go into precise detail about what a piece of shit he is before they can have any kind of conversation at all?

He knows why. He doesn't deserve it. He's nothing. He isn't worth that kind of generosity. He's too damaged and bitter for anyone to see him as worthy of tenderness.

His head is pounding.

"I've told you the truth. If you don't like it, that's your problem, not mine."

[greatoldjohn]

He considers that for a moment before he looks at Astarion, nods, and makes a decision.

"For whatever reason, if he made your life better in any way, I'm sorry that you don't have him anymore. And whether he knows it or not, I'm sure his life won't be as good as it could have been with you in it."

[sixfeetofdirt]

It's too little and it's too late and he's wrong regardless, but Astarion just makes a quiet noise of acknowledgement.

"Thank you."

A pause. He rolls onto his back, obligingly petting Aylin when she pushes her head under his hand.

"You really should just...trade me in, you know."

[greatoldjohn]

"Yeah, not happening," he just says as he watches the cat nudge for affection. "I don't want anyone else."

[sixfeetofdirt]

"No? Just me. Of course - I'm a catch, aren't I? Frustrating, contradictory, pedantic, dishonest, avoidant, spiteful..."